no sympathies please..

You know last night when you ignored and i was left alone in the chill of the night wrapped in a blanket i felt the chill inside the loneliness in my heart...

i desparately wanted to talk to you...

then i turned and through the open window i was looking at the clear blue sky with so many stars..they were blinking or were they smiling at me ?i couldnt make out as the eyes were wet..

then i remembered on a night like this we came to know that dad was diagonised with his terminal illness...it runs through our family....one star in particular seemed bright and looking to me!!was it dad...Dad i miss you...

Now i understand a lot of things which you said or did which at that time i failed to see through...i remember when inspite of your ill health you will stay awake till i come back home and have dinner and then you will bid me goodnight and painfully walk towards your bed...at that time i felt so angry ..why couldnt you take rest ?? i am grown up and i can take care of myself...

You would answer love someone care for someone and then you will know...

Now i know ...i truly mean it now i know what you meant and why you did so!!

i felt angry when you would be there to run your fingers through my hair when i had fever and check my temp. or keep your cold hand on my forehead..though it felt nice but i would be angry and ask you to leave me alone for a while...sorry dad....i undrstand now how much i did hurt you ..

i felt you were interfering in my life when you would ask about my friends and why i was late and all...you tried to be a friend to share all but you know na i was just an idiot, a foolish teenager who didnt have the depth to understand....

but now i do...i understand everything you did....and i hope you understand what you meant to me because it was you i looked for when i was in trouble and during fever i asked for that sharbat...

i and only i know what i havelost with you and you rightly said "You dont know what you have untill you have lost it"...i miss you dad..

it was you who i shared any good or bad news ..

you know dad that life is a great leveler...

its like the ocean...and maybe thats why you named me so..

you get back what you have given...cos life doesnt take away anything from you it gives you back all the same things and at the perfect time for you to understand...

i have got em all back..

but you were selfish too..you left me all alone when you know that i cant.. am not suitable for this fast paced world..

why did you when you loved me so??