some thoughts

i know i am a nothing to you and a good for nothing to myself and the rst of the world.A good for nothings life can be interesting too..no responsibilities,dont have to depend on others and no one to care for and no need to be cared too...people remember you when in need and quickly forget you when its over and they dont hesitate to throw you away from your life once its over just like a used tissue..Good for nothings are not supposed to have sentiments and emotions..that is extravagance.
Teardrops make your name the sms or the mails you sent hazy..blurr them ...if this way i could have made you untraceable in my life i wish i could have been a river.
am always trying to keep my emotions ,feelings words everything deep inside me like those olden days without you but now that you have opened me up they always fizzle out,it gets very difficult to keep them behind the floodgates but i am honestly trying.oh lord if i could stop loving you or bottle me up once again behind that mask of being happy and funny once again because of the hurts and insults and the pains you are dishing me out everyday eb=very moment of this life ..its very difficult to withstand them anymore..i just lie here with the broken wings writhing in pain and you give a damn about it!!is it?i lie here helpless looking at the sky which was once my domain where i could fly soar above the rest and be happy..
Thank you for reminding me that Your God creates some people not to be happy, destined not to be loved and to be misunderstood by default.you came and changed it all and i felt its going to change but i forgot life too can have commercial breaks.Funny it may sound but that is the truth about my life..
How can i make you believe make you understand make you understand it all?I dont know nor do i have any clue.In fairy tales all cursed people know or their godmother tells them a way out of their misery but at times i feel the only way out for me is another life..You know..thats why at times i feel eager to end it all..the i feel that would be selfish of me because i cant leave you alone in this world as you too have only me and no-one else..maybe now you are surrounde with friends and family but i know you are lonely out there just like me and craving for me cos deep inside you know who is there for you..who really cares and loves you true from the heart........waiting there somewhere alone in the dark...that might be giving you the confidence the strength to carry on.Maybe my thoughts are like the glowworms in a dark room which gives you hope and a will to survive and carry on reminding you that you are not alone..theres someone ...a good for nothing maybe but all yours..
You know cyberspace gave us a lot of things but have taken away more than that..You know what i mean..the anonimity i have here expressing myself is a bliss.fast life is blinding all the way..but the end is blinding with tears ...as you find yourself all alone left with nothing as you have left the people who love you and care a way behind....you are very very lonely out there...its like conquering the highest peak and you look around and find an emptiness all around..
you are my past my present my future...my bits and pieces of dreams a collage of what i have and what i dont...a locked door to my fairy tale where all stories have happy endings-"AND THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER"...where beasts are also loved by princess.you are the connecting link between my life and death..when i go i will go concontempted and complete unafraid as i will go with the feeling and knowing from the heart that i still love you as you do too...and i dont belong in this world of yours..you will be the only one to know about the last days of my pain and misery..and the reason i chose to quit it all...that will be your punishment which will make you realise someday what you meant to me and that you were my reason to live my reason to smile and the you meant my happiness,my power my pleasure my pain my joy my sorrow my pride my patience my hope my everything.You are the centre of my universe around whom my world revolved.
You are still the one.i can still see your face , listen to your laughter see the dreams even in the dark and sometimes my mind starts to wonder do you see them too?when i feel cold i still draw the covers thinking of you and i can feel the warmth and your presnece and i no longer feel lonely..the world around me changes every moment bet that desnt change me nor my feelings for you neither the things that we have shared.the memory remains along with the emotions the feelings the love for each other..i try to steal into your mind and whisper thiose sweet nothings into your ears..then i try to hate you and be angry with youand then i lose it all..i know i cant stop loving you as my love grows with each passing moment.
Deep inside i feel a emptiness a helplessness a loneliness yet i have to put a mask of happiness on before i go out...i dont want people to sympathise me or make fun of my feelings...i dont wnat anyone to know theres a strom in my head and heart...i want that storm outside that will destroy it all and i can stand alone and cry out loud and let the tears flow...